Supporting a friend who identifies as bisexual can sometimes feel daunting, especially if you’re not familiar with their experiences or the specific challenges they face. As society becomes increasingly aware of diverse sexual orientations, there’s a pressing need for understanding and allyship. In this article, we’ll explore essential do’s and don’ts when it comes to supporting a bisexual friend, ensuring you provide them with the respect and understanding they need.
Understanding Bisexuality
Before diving into the guidelines for support, it’s important to understand what bisexuality means. The term “bisexual” refers to individuals who are attracted to more than one gender, though it can vary in its meaning. According to the American Psychological Association, bisexual individuals may have attractions to different genders, but the nature and timing of those attractions can vary greatly.
Bisexuality exists on a spectrum and can include a wide range of identities and experiences. It is not exclusive or definitive; a bisexual person may end up in a relationship with someone of any gender. It’s crucial to approach this topic with sensitivity and an open mind.
The Importance of Support
Supporting your bisexual friend not only fosters a deeper relationship but also helps them navigate the complexities of their identity in a society that can be less than accepting. Bisexual individuals, like all individuals, thrive when they feel heard, valued, and secure in their relationships. By being a supportive friend, you contribute positively to their mental health, self-esteem, and overall well-being.
Research by the Williams Institute has shown that bisexual individuals often face distinct challenges, such as discrimination and stigma, not just from heterosexual individuals, but also from those within the LGBTQ+ community. In other words, bisexual individuals can experience "double discrimination." Therefore, your support can make a real difference.
Essential Do’s When Supporting Your Bisexual Friend
Here are the essential do’s to help you support your bisexual friend effectively:
1. Educate Yourself
Understanding bisexuality and its nuances is crucial. Being informed allows you to offer better support and engage in meaningful conversations. Read articles, watch documentaries, or attend local LGBTQ+ events to learn more about bisexuality. Resources from organizations like GLAAD or the Human Rights Campaign can provide valuable insights.
Example:
Ask your friend for recommended reading materials. This shows you are willing to learn from their perspective.
2. Listen Actively
One of the best ways to support your friend is simply to listen. Create a safe space for them to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Ask open-ended questions, and give them time to express themselves without interrupting or jumping to conclusions.
Example:
Instead of saying, “I understand how you feel,” try asking, “Can you share more about how your experiences have shaped your view of bisexuality?”
3. Affirm Their Identity
Validating your friend’s identity is essential. Acknowledge their experiences and let them know their bisexuality is valid. Avoid making comments that invalidate their feelings, such as suggesting they’re merely confused or going through a phase.
Expert Quote:
As Dr. Julie E. Dorsey, a clinical psychologist, states, “Affirmation is key in helping bisexual individuals understand that their identity is legitimate and deserving of respect.”
4. Use Inclusive Language
Make an effort to use inclusive language. This means using the pronouns and terms that your friend prefers. Avoid making assumptions about their attractions based on their current relationship status or partners.
Example:
Instead of saying, “Your boyfriend or girlfriend,” say, “Your partner” to keep it more inclusive.
5. Be an Ally
Stand up against discrimination and prejudices your friend may face. Being an ally means calling out negative comments, whether they’re from friends, family, or acquaintances. This demonstrates your commitment to supporting your friend and the bi-community as a whole.
Example:
If someone makes a derogatory comment about bisexuality, intervene. Say something like, “That’s not appropriate. Bisexuality is a valid sexual orientation.”
6. Encourage Open Dialogue About Relationships
Whether your friend is dating someone of the opposite sex, the same sex, or is single, encourage discussions about their relationships and feelings. This can be an excellent way for them to process their experiences and feelings.
Example:
Ask them about how they feel when they’re on a date or how they connect with their partner(s) rather than trying to guess or assume their feelings.
7. Support Their Involvement in the Community
Encourage your friend to engage with the LGBTQ+ community, whether online or in person. Community can provide needed support, understanding, and camaraderie. If they’re comfortable, offer to attend events with them.
8. Respect Their Privacy
Understand that discussions regarding sexuality can be deeply personal. Respect your friend’s choices about what they choose to share and when. Make it clear that their privacy is paramount.
Example:
If your friend is not ready to come out to mutual friends or family, do not pressure them to do so.
Essential Don’ts When Supporting Your Bisexual Friend
While knowing what to do is crucial, knowing what not to do is equally important. Here are the essential don’ts:
1. Don’t Assume Their Experiences
Every individual has unique experiences, even within the same sexual orientation. Avoid making assumptions based on stereotypes about bisexuality. Recognize that their journey is distinct and deserves its own narrative.
Example:
Avoid saying, “All bisexuals are just greedy” or making any other sweeping generalizations.
2. Don’t Use Labeling Language
Terms like "bi-curious" or "bicurious" can be seen as minimizing or disrespectful. Instead, use the term they identify with, and avoid labels that are not their own.
Expert Insight:
Therapist Dr. Amy C. McHugh emphasizes the importance of individualized language: “Labels can be limiting; they should resonate with the person, not be used as shorthand by others.”
3. Don’t Engage in Biphobia
Avoid making derogatory jokes or comments about bisexuality or bisexual individuals. Biphobia is as harmful as homophobia and can deeply affect your friend.
Example:
Reject comments such as, “Isn’t bisexuality just a phase?” and instead point out the harmful nature of such statements.
4. Don’t Make Their Identity All About You
While it’s okay to share your own experiences, do not relate everything back to yourself. Your friend may open up about their bisexuality in a moment of vulnerability, and it’s essential to keep the focus on them.
Example:
If your friend shares a difficult experience, don’t default to sharing a similar experience without first offering them the space to express themselves completely.
5. Don’t Pressure Them to Come Out
Coming out can be a complex and personal decision for many bisexual individuals. Respect your friend’s pace and circumstances. Pressuring them can create distress and may damage your relationship.
The Role of Complacency
While the above guidelines offer a beneficial framework, an inactive approach—complacency—can be a pitfall. To support your friend effectively, you have to actively take steps to break down barriers and build bridges. Being a supportive ally means continually engaging, learning, and listening.
Conclusion
Supporting a bisexual friend requires sensitivity, understanding, and a commitment to being an ally. By following the do’s and don’ts outlined in this article, you can foster a relationship built on mutual respect and trust. Help create a world that welcomes and validates bisexuality by being a supportive friend who stands against discrimination, listens actively, and affirms their identity. Your friend’s journey is important, and your support can make all the difference.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q1: What if I don’t fully understand bisexuality?
A: It’s okay not to know everything. Take the initiative to educate yourself, ask questions when appropriate, and listen to your friend’s experiences.
Q2: Can I still support my bisexual friend if I’m not part of the LGBTQ+ community?
A: Absolutely! Support can come from anyone who values friendship and respects others’ identities. Your allyship is invaluable.
Q3: How can I ensure that I’m not being unintentionally offensive?
A: Continuously strive to educate yourself, reflect on your language, and ask for feedback from your friend. They will appreciate your willingness to learn.
Q4: Should I ask my friend about their past relationships?
A: If your friend is comfortable discussing this, then it’s perfectly fine. Just approach the topic gently and with respect for their boundaries.
Q5: Is it appropriate to discuss bisexuality with my friend in front of others?
A: It depends on your friend’s comfort level. Always prioritize their privacy and let them lead the conversation.
In conclusion, understanding and supporting a bisexual friend is vital in promoting inclusivity and acceptance in society. Your role as an ally can help create a more compassionate and understanding world.